I have been staring at my keyboard for about 10 minutes, with no idea what to say.
How can you turn numb emotions into words that make sense?
How can you explain the fear, the complete unknowing and helplessness of things happening around you that you have no control over?
I can’t sleep. Hunter and I have been in bed since 6:30pm, I sung all her favourite songs, she touches my face with her tiny hands and we cuddle.
I think she knows I’m upset.
In front of me is a rough black pen sketch that the Paediatrician drew for us, with hands over my mouth I keep on looking at it, trying to make sense of the doctor-scribbled words, lines and arrows.
Our next appointment is with a Paediatric Surgeon, she is going to perform a bowel biopsy on Hunter to determine whether she has Hirschsprung’s Disease.
Before 4pm today I had never even heard of it, and now I feel like it’s the only word I know.
I am so scared for her it’s making me feel sick.